Helianthus
I tried
not to
mow you down
your head
hung low so low
your bright-yellow life, gone
and your face, down
in the ground you’ve been staring at
the sun’s photosynthesis love, stolen
but I wanted you
to stand as a symbol
of fall’s cool voice
and perhaps white winter stalks
standing like the strength of the human spirit
pushed up by the warmth of spring light
your life enriching new life
your memories, passed on
by the voices
of young flowers.
I tried
not to
mow you down
your head
hung low so low
your bright-yellow life, gone
and your face, down
in the ground you’ve been staring at
the sun’s photosynthesis love, stolen
but I wanted you
to stand as a symbol
of fall’s cool voice
and perhaps white winter stalks
standing like the strength of the human spirit
pushed up by the warmth of spring light
your life enriching new life
your memories, passed on
by the voices
of young flowers.
4 Comments:
I just received amazing comments on this piece from an editor in Maine. Respecting one's right to privacy is indeed of my concern, so she and the press she's an editor of will remain nameless.
I read one of their anthologies, and it was great. Some poems were better than others, but, over all, a pleasurable read.
Their press just published their 24th book. She's a wonderful poet and person.
Anyway, she told me that the 14th line needed to be removed, because it was approaching a cliche. But, other than that, she loved it, said it was a keeper, to be exact.
Do you agree?
I agree it's definitely a keeper, but I don't see anything cliché in this piece, really.
My response to this piece was visceral.
It speaks to me of life's circle and then it made me smile, something about the thought of young flower's voices, just made me smile.
I think it's a grand piece James.
Dear Lord how many times can I type the word piece in one comment?
I really should read my babble speak, before I hit publish...
The 14th line is great. It helped to personify the poem for me. I am quite a fan of yours. All of your pieces are keepers, and don't you forget it mister!
If you have never published a book, you should. If you have, let me know so I can purchase it. You have renewed my interest in poetry. I love to come here and read. It's always a great experience that I look forward to.
Becky :)
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